Alan was still ice cold and sad even after getting a boyfriend alan looks at themself in the backstage mirror and they felt sick as if their reflection was something disgusting like a rotting corpse of a dead stray cat on the street then a voice in alan’s head starts to speak saying they should kill themself or run away the voice got louder and louder Alan shakes as they start to pour out tears their vision cloudy and blurred they cover their invisible ears to try and drown out the voices but it made everything louder they ran to the bathroom and they punch the walls till the voices in their head die down breaking the stitches their fist and blood sprays on the sink and walls alan then grabs a eyebrow razor and they shake with it in their hands and alan puts the blade of it to their wrist but they throw it and it breaks into pieces Alan shakes in fear “what the fuck am i doing?!” alan balls themself up and start to scream and cry “why me why must i suffer like this?!” damian alan’s cousin came in and he looked at alan “hey al what’s wrong why are you crying?” damian asked sitting next to alan “i can’t take this painful existence anymore i hate this i hate…m-myself i hate my body and i hate all these loud thoughts..i just want to feel good about myself..for once” alan said their voice high pitched and wobbly damian’s gaze softens and he scoots closer to alan and he speaks in a timid voice “d-...do you want a hug?” alan nods and damian wraps his arms around alan bringing them in a tight embrace letting alan cry into his chest and damian rocked them back and forth to stimulate them and they listened as Alan kept talking until they poured everything out but they wanted to take it all back their words pouring out like hot painful vomit