Alan was sleeping again despite not needing to sleep but they loved the feeling of dreaming and sleeping and resting their body they wanted it to happen forever but just then Mama k comes into the room and gently shook alan and alan jolts awake “m-mama!.….sorry for what happened yesterday….i didn’t know where my mind was” alan said in a sad tone “it’s alright sweetheart we all have our off days but you can talk about what’s bothering you..you know that right” mama k reassured alan and alan spoke in a calm tone “well it’s just i’ve been remembering when i was a child but….i can’t find one good moment and all i want to do is forget what happened forget everything but i can’t…no matter how..hard i try i just can’t do it” alan was starting to tear up mama k wraps her arms around alan bringing them into a close tight embrace and alan heard argos breathing he was awake and listening but alan didn’t say anything “you can’t forget no matter how hard you try but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from it trauma is something that we all can experience but we can’t let it hold us hostage i mean take a look at me when i was little….when i was a little kid i was abused too…my Father thought i wasn’t good enough for him he thought i was a freak for expressing myself …but i didn’t let that stop me i followed my truth and now i’m the woman i grew up to be…so alan sweetheart if you keep letting your father and mother hold you you’ll never let go and you’ll kill yourself then me and everyone in the circus wouldn’t know what to do…you’re the only thing i can have closest to a son” mama k spoke in a soft tone alan lays their head on mama k’s shoulder “thanks mama i’ll try” alan said then mama k spoke kindly “sweetheart all you can do is try that’s all anyone can do even here” mama k rubs alan’s shoulders in a calming motherly way “we love you alan and that won’t change…we love every last broken and bruised piece of you” mama k whispered to alan hugging them tightly