(massive self h@rm tw!!)

Alan was sitting in the circus basement alone crying balled up like a baby fussing and squirming holding the pill bottle in their hand with the pills thrown across the floor alan felt so alone without mama k to console and comfort them they just felt out of place like there was no point in living anymore alan looked around then they look at a sharp piece of glass on the floor and they grab it squeezing it tightly making their fingers bleed once the blood started they felt calmer then without thinking they took the glass and started on their wrists to their elbows once they were done they snapped out of it feeling the sting and hurt from the open wounds and the blood pouring into dark puddles running fast too fast on the floor alan tried to run up the stairs to call for help but their body felt fuzzy and dizzy alan kept trying to head up the stairs but the blood falling from their wrists was pouring faster and faster like water from a broken dam it was too much it felt so uncomfortably warm just then natalie comes to the door and runs toward alan then alan’s vision went black natalie tries to hold alan up blood covering her arms and legs and face shge tries to close the wounds to prevent more blood from pouring just then ego comes down the stairs worried it looks at alan’s limp body and shouts “OH SHIT NAT WE NEED TO CALL THE HOSPITAL THEY’RE BLEEDING OUT THEY’LL DIE!!” ego runs back upstairs the bells on its jester hat jingling like a toy natalie tries to block more blood from pouring out of their body alan was weak and shaking repeating “sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry” over and over crying pure sad tears and bleeding the area looked like a murder scene alan’s blood was everywhere and there was broken glass all over the floor Alan felt themself slipping away feeling more and more fuzzy like static and like a buzzing bee Argos rushed down the stairs trying to get alan to speak saying over and over “darling don’t die i can’t live without you” alan then pushed out these final words “Es…tut mir leid, meine Liebe, vergib mir” they closed their eye and slip into something that they hated the dark their hand going limp in argos’s hand alan felt like they were floating in a black numbing void they but it was comforting it felt kind and calming like a mother’s kiss when comforting their scared child and the darkness felt so kind and warm that  they didn’t want to leave it because they’ve never felt this comfortable