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Chapter 15: the hospital isn't good for me

Alan jolts awake in a hospital bed. They look around frantically, their body felt heavy and weak. They paused looking at their arms covered in stained bandages. They were shaking and they screamed “where the hell am i?!” a nurse with a blurred face came to console Alan. She speaks her voice lush and smooth “don’t worry dear you’ll be alright everything’s going to be okay” Alan calms down a bit and they seemed to be at least settled “where am i?” alan asked in a timid tone the nurse speaks in a calm caring tone like she dealt with this all the time “you’re at flowey hospital you had a big accide-” alan cuts her off  speaking in a harsh tone “it wasn’t and accident i tried to kill myself” the nurse looks at the floor “i know dear i know you did” alan turned their head away laying in the bed like it was their deathbed alan sighs “i wanna go home” they say in a harsh demanding tone “RIGHT NOW!” The nurse shook her head “sorry dear you can’t go home just yet we need to keep you here just for a few days” Alan makes a frustrated look “NO I WANNA GO HOME RIGHT NOW!!!” they shouted, then a doctor came in and his face was blurred like the nurse’s the doctor spoke in a calm yet scary tone, his voice deep and throaty “sir you can’t go home yet nurse ava just explained that to you” Alan spoke up again “i don’t give a DAMN what she said i need to get home i have a child to take care of and a lover to console and friends to see so let me go home!!” The doctor then shouts back at Alan holding by all four of their wrists tightly making more blood seep through the bandages “then you should’ve thought of that before you sliced your wrists trying to kill yourself, you dumbass!” Alan paused hissed in pain and teared up trying to pull away from the doctor and the nurse shoved the doctor away and she looked angry at him. “what the hell bruce you’re being a dick this man just tried to kill himself and you’re not being the least considerate!!” Alan felt a little better but they still felt awful. They felt like a bad parent and bad friend and lover then they started to cry quietly. Nurse Ava sits next to Alan “hey you alright up there?” she asked and alan shook their head “no i want to fucking kill myself i want to end this” Alan shouted Ava then starts rubbing their back “look dear i was in this same hole for a long time and i tried to kill myself too but i over came it” alan looks at her “how?” she smiles “i thought about those i love my husband, kids, family and friends and how they want me to keep going” alan thought about this when she left “they want me to keep going” alan thought over and over “i have a kid and a boyfriend and a life here that i love with my friends and i can’t end that right now” alan thought then alan was happy again they closed their eye still laying in bed with no intent to fall asleep

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