Later the next week Alan got discharged from the hospital and it was snowing and alan didn’t have a jacket so they were cold they light a match to keep them warm but they dropped it when it burned their fingertips the sting of the burn surging through their fingertips to their arm and they remembered they had a cellphone they took it out of their blood stained pocket and flipped it open and they call natalie because she was the only one in the circus who knew how to drive natalie answered the phone “oh my god alan is that you?!” she asked her voice excited yet worried “yeah nat it’s me” alan replied “oh my god that’s good news i thought you were gonna die i was going to lose it because it was my wife first then one of my best friends” alan sighs “i’m sorry nat” natalie then gets a soft tone “you don’t have anything to apologize for alan it’s not your fault” alan smiled “thanks nat…oh shit can you come pick me up?” Alan asked giggling a bit Natalie replied “yeah i’ll be there in around 20 minutes” later natalie drives up and alan climbs into the back of the car their skinny figure slamming on the seat “thanks nat” alan said and natalie has a surprised look on her face “wow al you’re talking a lot more” alan giggles and they lean back in the seat as they drive back to the tent “are saddie and argos doing okay?” alan asked sounding a bit worried Natalie nods “oh yeah they’re fine just worried heh saddie hasn’t slept since you’ve been gone” alan laughs “i’ve only been gone for one week” alan giggles more until them and natalie were laughing having a good time on the way back home alan lays down their whole frame filling the whole seat and they look up out the window snow falling like tears from someone’s face alan sigh their breath fogging on the glass “i-i’m..sorry for make these few days hell nat” alan said trying to apologize for what they did natalie looks at alan in the rearview mirror “it wasn’t you alan no one’s blaming you…..it was who killed alice….not you” Alan paused, remembering Mama K's real name. It lingered in their ears for a bit “alice”, such a beautiful kind name for a beautiful kind woman Alan spoke through the tears in their eye their voice shaking and wobbly “but it is my fault i should’ve protected her…”  natalie looks at alan her pointed ears perking up “al it’s not your fault it’s what killed her you didn’t know that was going to happen” alan brightens up a bit “thanks for the reassurance nat” they say with a happy tone in their voice they felt so much better from the reassurance they got from their friend then they close their eye this time having intention to sleep