Alan was sleeping cuddling argos being careful not to squeeze too tightly then they awoke their eye flashing a bright orange and they sat up and lit a cigarette and headed into the bathroom to smoke it they exhaled some smoke and they sighed “what the hell was that?” alan felt weak and weary alan inhaled again then exhaled smoke the smoke filling the room they ran their fingers on their scars smoking the cigarette their mind felt warm and fuzzy and hazy their vision cloudy were they about to cry they felt their body shaking then when they were about to shed a few tears their daughter came in Saddie spoke in a soft tone “daddy why are you crying?” alan wiped their tears and sighed “nothing sweetness no reason” saddie sat next to alan hugging their leg alan picked her up bouncing her on their knee alan hugged her tightly saddie smiled  hugging alan back “i love you daddy……” she was upset alan looked at her “darling what’s wrong?” Saddie answered with sadness in her voice “daddy…i don’t want to be a burden on you i-.....i just want to be better…” alan was stunned they held her tighter wailing loudly crying like there’s no tomorrow saddie hugged alan back like she was a doll alan kept wailing like an upset child saddie’s eye whelped up with tears holding onto alan as if she was clinginging to life alan was sobbing till they couldn’t breath alan runs their fingers through saddie’s long black hair sobbing quietly “you’ll never be a burden to me sweetness i love you always in all ways..” saddie fell asleep in alan’s arm alan carried saddie back to her room alan tucked her in sighing looking at the pack of cigarettes in their pocket they open the window and throw the pack as hard as they could tears whelping up in their eyes they fell the their knees sobbing quietly then ego tapped alan’s shoulder “hey alan you okay?” ego asked sounding actually sweet which wasn’t like ego alan wiped their tears standing up “i-it’s nothing ego i was just sitting” alan said their voice still shaky ego then hugs alan it’s arms trembling around alan’s shoulders alan hugged ego back tears falling into their pjs alan sighed tears still falling alan whispered “i’m sorry” ego hugged alan tighter “it’s okay….you’re an amazing parent a great lover..and a kind person..we all love you” alan showed happiness in their eye.